Have you ever experienced one of those days, when through no effort of your own, you found yourself reading or viewing or listening to something that really shook you to the core? It may have been a passage in a book, the lyrics of a song or a portion of Scripture. Something that opened the floodgates of emotion and sent the tears freely flowing? A divine moment when the Spirit of God pierced your heart and you felt the conviction of sin and the love of God simultaneously? When the presence of God was so tangible and real that you felt the need to fall to your knees in His presence?
This has happened many times in my life – some I remember very clearly but others are tucked safely away in the recesses of my mind and are now faded memories without detail. However, what I DO remember clearly is that each time the Lord has allowed me “to stand on holy ground”, I did not come away unchanged. Each and every time He has drawn me to Himself, I have felt the conviction and burden of my sin followed immediately by my confession, then the lavish outpouring of His love, forgiveness and restoration.
Just this past week, as I was searching for Christian music videos, I happened upon this one – Give Me Jesus – and felt led to watch it. It’s performed by Fernando Ortega for The Billy Graham Evangelistic Association as a tribute to Billy Graham’s wife, Ruth Bell Graham (June 10, 1920 to June 14, 2007). I don’t know if it will affect you as it did me, but it has caused me to think about my own life and wonder – do I desire only Jesus?
As I watched the tribute once, twice and then three times, I couldn’t help but ask myself, “When I come to die, what will my children remember about me? Will they say that I was a great cook and could bake a delicious scone? Or will it be that I planned fun family vacations and sewed elaborate Halloween costumes for them? Or will they recall the many backyard tea parties and coffee times we had together? Will my life be the sum total only of the things that I did for them?
Who will my children say that I was? Was I a gentle, loving mother who served them faithfully and taught them to love Jesus or will they remember the days when I was still being refined by the Lord and the words I spoke to them were harsh or cruel and I spanked them in anger? Will they have any memories of me praying for them or patiently listening as they shared their burdens? Will they know, really know, that the one thing that I wished for them all, is that they would come to love the Lord with all their heart and soul, mind and strength?
If David is called to bear the burden of being a widower, what will his memories of me be? That I encouraged and respected him and challenged him to go deeper with God? That I was faithful and loving and patient? Or will he remember all the times I threatened to leave him, unable or maybe unwilling to overlook his shortcomings? When my days have come to an end, will he look at my wrinkled, old face and say from his heart, “She was so beautiful!”
As I ponder these questions in my heart and have dared to share them openly with you all, I know that Jesus is near…revealing, once again, my sin and my daily need for His forgiveness…given freely because He is faithful and just. I know that He is speaking graciously and lovingly to my heart and telling me that it’s not too late to leave a legacy of love behind me. And I know that now is the time to “come deeper” with Jesus and delight myself in Him.
And someday, if someone were to ask me, “What is the greatest desire of your heart?”
I want to be able to respond this way… “just give me Jesus.”
Do you desire only Jesus?
“Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4